Book Review: To Become One

Earlier this summer, I read the book To Become One by Chris Seay and Chad Karger. Chris and Chad are pastors of a progressive Christian community in Houston called Ecclesia. The title of the book is a play on words, stemming from Genesis 2:24 – “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” The authors write this book for newlyweds and those in a relationship nearing marriage. Overall, I would say the book is mediocre at best. But the more I have reflected on it, as a pastor, this would be a book I would recommend to those who are engaged. The authors will not blow you away with profound statements. They will probably not even say stuff that you haven’t already heard. But they are refreshing. And brutally honest. And the book is full of great reminders. Warning: This book is not like most Christian dating or marriage books. I’ve read others such as I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Let God Write Your Love Story. And I think those books are wonderful for certain type of people. But they also only connect with a portion of Christians. To Become One is a very good complement to these books.

The authors’ wives provide commentary along the way to help see the woman’s point of view in this. The two couples’ stories of their marriage processes are quite different and yet, you see how God still works through relationships in different ways. Like I said, not a five-star book (I only gave it a three-star on Amazon) but I do think it is worth the time to read. It doesn’t take very long but there are some excellent questions that would benefit one that is in a relationship.

I have to admit, I am not married though. One who is married may have a far different opinion of this book. And who knows, ten years down the road, my own opinion may also change.

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3 Responses to Book Review: To Become One

  1. Brittnee says:

    Do you think Karen Kingsbury would endorse a book that Blaine Crawford allotted only a 3-star rating to on Amazon? I’m not on board with anything unless Karen Kingsbury says it’s golden.

    I’m by no means married either, but books with titles like these make me a bit wary. I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Let God Write Your Love Story…. after the initial squirm-in-your-seat feeling, the book in question would find it’s way back onto the shelf, unopened. Safe to say, I’m not in that portion of Christians who find these kind of books helpful. Actually, I’m in that portion that wonders why it’s advisable to read a running commentary on the married life of other Christian couples so that we may live by example–or not. Why not wrestle with these “hard questions” as they come at us? Why not bulldoze our own paths instead of trying desperately to live up to some other married couples’ standard? We read about other couples’ successes and failures in rapt attention, determined not to make their mistakes, mentally noting and shelving their triumphs for use further down the road. However helpful these books may be, doesn’t it sometimes make one wonder where the adventure in anticipation of two paths converging into one has gone? For two people to have no idea what the hell they’re doing, but just going with it? To me, asking for a good “Christian marriage” model is equivalent to asking for a Christian standard, which for some may mean falling into a pit of lost and distorted expectations. Then again, I’m not married and essentially know nothing about this marriage thing, so maybe books like these are aimed at jackasses like me, who poke fun at Karen Kingsbury without really giving her a chance.

  2. firescloudsandwanderings says:

    Props to you Brittnee for the shout out to Karen Kingsbury.

    You definitely raise some very valid questions, questions that Christians (especially young, single Christians) must seriously wrestle with. Are we simply going to try to copy somebody else’s marriage? Is their marriage somehow unaffected by sin? I think not. There is no golden marriage. That was one of the things I found so refreshing about this book – they did not sugarcoat the married life. They talked about struggles and disagreements that popped up along the way. It wasn’t just a book of successes, but also of the struggles of marriage which I did not find prevalent in books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye and When God Writes Your Love Story.

    I think you were right on when you said these books simply set us up for failures with lofty, unattainable expectations. Maybe we should instead focusing on each step along the way, learning to love as Christ did, and learning to be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

  3. Steve240 says:

    You might want to take a look at my blog on the IKDG book. Harris doesn’t share the whole story and leaves a lot out in his book.
    I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?

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