Struggle to Worship

I just finished a 4-5 week stretch of preaching and leading worship every Sunday. That for me is the longest period where I have preached week after week. As I look forward to resting this Sunday, I also realize a dilemma that is fermenting within me. As I look back over the past year or so, I realize how difficult it is for me to worship when I am not leading worship. I really hope this isn’t some sort of narcissism making an appearance in my life and that I’m coming to worship the sound of my voice and my liturgy and whatever else. But I find it much easier to worship when I help to lead others to that place. When I am not leading, I find myself critiquing every little action and word that comes from the preacher or the liturgist. And this really bothers me. I guess being a pastor, I will always have trouble switching roles, I will always have difficulty switching roles and just being another parishioner. At the same time, I must reach a point where I am able to worship during Sunday services when I am not leading. But much more probable, there will always exist a tension for the pastor between leading worship and worshipping from the pews as a parishioner.

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